love/hate

I love feeling strong and good after a day of soft-spoken words, silly jokes, youthful banter, good behavior, promising developments, and one-on-one instruction. 

I love the rush I get from planning, addicting as it is. I plan so much that I make myself crazy, but I usually love how things turn out. Ah, perfectionism!

I love it when I have the random power to not over-react and to speak softly and firmly. 

I love feeling enough peace inside myself to just love these children.

I love having advertisers spend tons of money just to make me laugh. Not really. Oh, the heartache of life! But this was great to have to laugh at this evening. I laughed, and laughed, and laughed for about a minute! 
(you have to understand, hulu is our TV...and I was watching the ad on hulu...and I love hulu...and I love 30 Rock)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jJcWnqnyV0]

 

flipside

I hate walking into a room filled with the stench of chosen unhappiness and maniacal laughs. 

I hate how little spiteful comments, negative tones, poisonous words, and angry biased statements stick in my head like an arrow shot through my skull. I can pretend its not there, but the blood from its puncturing wound is still dripping down my head. I ask myself, how can 45 minutes or even 30 seconds of my day be so catastrophic to my wellness? I don't know. I try to let things slide off, but arrows don't slide well. I try to put on armor, but I know not what material to fashion it out of. My latest thought is to fashion it out of prayers, but I get lost trying to find my way and forget to put it on when walking into dangerous territory.

I just don't understand! How can these little arrows undo all the beauty of life? Why does pain have to overwhelm all the good things in life? 10 positive to 1 negative. I need  whole lot of love to go on...

MUST HOLD ON

Must hold on to the smiles, the silliness, the laughter, the creativity, the small moments of learning, the face of understanding, the relationships, the small thanks we receive, the joy in their faces, the quotes, the bright and shining moments in the day.

I MUST HOLD ON TO THE HOPE I STILL HAVE

Thank you, God, for the beauty of life. I cry when I stop to think about all the joy and light in my day.