The Entirety



Finally today I began to feel the entirety of what I have been doing for the last seven months (or is it the last 10 years?). Launching a website/business, finishing the school year, three art conferences, putting myself out there, getting into my residency, 60% backed on Kickstarter, traveling and more traveling, life decisions, great successes, and a "to do" list that wants to eat me for dinner!

All day I have teetered between crying happy tears, shouting for joy and panicing.

To fight the panic I need to let go a little. But I feel so guilty about the emails that have piled up. And the weeds are taking over the gardens. The studio is a disaster. Seek Your Course is always evolving. I am about to embark on my third trip into downtown today. But most of all, I don't know what day it is or what time it is and whenever I sit down to do something I can't remember what I was going to do and end up going around in circles. Around and around and around.

Last night I just watched Glee. Like 5 episodes I think. I feel like I could sit and watch the whole freakin' season. Still catching up.

I am trying to make realistic lists. I am trying to set little goals. But even "charge phone" has proven difficult. I go upstairs to plug it in and remember the charger is still in my bag. Go downstairs and forget what I am doing down there. Come back upstairs and remember. Go downstairs and search two bags before getting to the third and last one and find the charger. Figure I might as well unpack some other things while there. Go upstairs with full hands. Put away various items. Realize that I have a charger in my hand for a reason. Plug in phone.

I'm not sure why today. But today was the day I felt it all.