When Life Is Hard

my grandmother's hands...in the nursing home

When life is hard...

I check my Facebook too much. I want something to take my mind off of things. But, honestly, there is rarely anything good on there.

I check my email constantly hoping for a flood of good news and overflowing opportunities to carry me through. But there is only the same-old emails. 

I watch TV shows like Glee and Parenthood, both of which are funny and include beautiful tear-jerking stories of people believing in one another. 

I want to dance like no one's watching just to try to shake off the worries.

I want to sing to remind myself of the truth in lyrics and feel fun.

I try really, really hard not to think about the "What if's..."

I think about winning the lottery...the age-old idea that money will make things better, which it won't because people are what I really care about.

I call friends, and thank God for my friends.

I work. I work hard. I work better. I work until I collapse just to keep from feeling the burdens, the pain. I am so efficient when life is hard. I kick ass. I generate new ideas and act on old ones. Work is my drug of choice. 

And sometimes I cry because that feels good too. 

I got a lot done this past week. I guess I had a lot on my mind. Anyone want to go dancing?

I need to paint.