I know some people have nightmares of being naked. A manifestation of vulnerability. I don’t usually. I dream of failure.
I dream over and over of failing a college class that I forget I’m taking. This dream comes so frequently that every month or so I ask my husband if I’m enrolled in any courses just to clear my mind. I haven’t taken a class in years.
In the last few weeks I’ve been feeling very drawn to honestly and vulnerably telling stories of my fears and failures. I can attribute part of this to being at WDS, where stories of vulnerability and bravery go hand-in-hand.
Someone once told Ben and I that our climbing was like a perfectly constructed team building exercise in which we were being stretched to work on our most pressing communication issues. We thought we just had a hobby.
Climbing pushes me to my mental and physical limits and stirs the pot so that I face my ugliest shadows and worst fears. Especially my emotions around failure.
This video is about the raw, real emotions that I felt during my attempt of Mt. Hood last week.
This is not a reality tv show. I hate that vulnerability and emotional responses are being dumbed down by the prevalence of this brain-rotting phenomenon. This is me. My journey part way up a mountain and the wash of exhausted emotion I encountered en route. Keeping it real.